February 24, 2019

Dear the me before Mummy,

Dear me, the old me, the me before becoming a mother and changing my life completely. There’s so many things I need to tell you from how wonderful your life will be but how bloody hard it is going to be. You read all the books going, every article online and created this image of the ‘perfect’ parent you thought you’d be.

You wouldn’t shout, wouldn’t allow excessive screen time and would bring your child up on a healthy diet of homemade purées and exotic tastes. The truth is you won’t and you haven’t! You sometimes shout, even though you don’t always mean it! You’re tired, frustrated and sometimes lonely with the way that motherhood has progressed beyond what you could have imagined! You’ll sometimes resent life until they smile at you and make everything worth it a hundred times over. You sometimes rely on the tv to give you five minutes of peace, time to drink hot coffee and frantically search the house for everything he needs for nursery. You loved the idea of homemade purées and you did really well with these for a few weeks until you realised you don’t have time to shit most days, let alone batch cook purées. You once vowed you’d never let your child have McDonald’s until they were older and yet now he throws at tantrums at the Golden Arches sign and cries out wanting a happy meal.

But that’s ok, you’re ok. Well more than ok. No amount of reading and research can help you become a mum. Share your experiences, find a friend that’s going through it too. Motherhood can be lonely despite the fact you’re never physically alone. But it doesn’t have to be, find someone to chat with over coffee or better still wine! Rant about how much of a little shit your child has been that week or moan about how little sleep you’ve got. Because pretending that you’re ok or hiding behind a perfect visage isn’t helping anyone.

Appreciate the small moments because they fade quicker than you’d believe. Take a million photos and hold them in your arms like it’s the last time you’ll hold them because it is true, you never know when they’ll be too big to fit within your lap. You haven’t got there yet and you still remind yourself of this daily when you’re struggling with the multiple tantrums, biting stage and chucking the dinner you spent ages cooking.

No matter what ideas you had about the parent you’d become, please know that you are enough. Your child will love you for everything you are and everything you do. A bad moment in your eyes is forgotten by them in a heartbeat when you pick them up and kiss them goodnight.

Finally, to me, the old me, the me I often miss being. Your life was a fraction of what it is now. Although your nights are earlier and your mornings much earlier, your heart is fuller than can be and nothing quite beats the pure joy of hearing… ‘mummy, I love you!’

P.S good luck with labour, you’re going to need it! 😂

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